A Little Update

I'd like to take a few minutes to just share my thoughts and feelings this beautiful Christmas season.

As you all know my mother is getting ready to 'graduate' shortly. Many people have expressed how hard it must be to have your mother pass away around Christmas time. But I don't feel that way. Her passing is a part of life and something that we all have to go through. It doesn't matter if it's on Christmas Day. In fact, I would love it if she passed on Christmas Day. Christmas was her favorite time of year. She loved giving and receiving presents. She was like a little child on Christmas day and could hardly wait to open her gifts. And always after opening her gifts she would proudly display them in piles next to the couch so she could show everyone what she received. But, she only left them out for a short while because she always wanted to tidy up the Christmas mess and get everything straigtened again. In fact, if she had it her way, the Christmas tree would be taken down on Christmas day. She usually waited until the day after!

This year I put up her tree early. Her and Dad didn't want to bother with a tree but I lovingly brought the artificial tree up from downstairs and painstakingly hung each beautiful hand-made ornament on the tree. It really is a beautiful creation. Hand-made crocheted doilies glittered with sequins and pearls, wreaths made from canning rings, silver pinecones dusted with silver glitter and ribbon and butterflys made from Albuterol plastic vials, sprayed silver and gold and decorated with gossamer ribbon and pearls. Lovely, simply lovely! Everyone that comes into the home comments on the beautiful tree. And the best part, Mom and Dad have loved having the tree up.

Did I tell you about the mouse house? I may have but forgive me for telling you again. About 30 years ago Dad made a wooden mouse house. Mom made all of the miniatures. The house is complete with electric lights. Santa and his reindeer are on the roof. There is a miniature Christmas tree with a braided rug inside complete with fireplace and grandfather clock. All of the miniatures have been made from recycled 'things'. It's absolutely adorable. There's even a skating pond out back complete with plenty of drifted snow. The grandkids have looked forward to seeing the Mouse House every Christmas.

My dear sweet brother came up and stayed for a couple of days. It was such a relief to have him here. I was able to get some Christmas things done while he sat with the folks. I even slept better at night knowing that he was with Mom and Dad. Even though I live next door it's been extremely hard running back and forth and trying to keep up two homes. It would have been easier having them come live with me but all of the extra rooms are downstairs with no shower. That wouldn't have worked for Mom.

So what am I thinking now? It's hard watching my mother's little body waste away to almost nothing. It's hard wanting her to eat something so she can live, but she has no appetite and can't swallow. It's hard watching her not being able to swallow her life-sustaining pills. And it's hard watching her sleep all day and all night. There are so many things I still want to ask her and now it's too late. She can still respond a little bit with a nod of her head and an occasional "I love you." And it's especially hard watching my sons and daughters seeing her, probably for the last time on earth, sobbing as they take their little granny's hands and tell her that they love her.

Am I sitting here boobing all day? No. I get a little teary eyed at times but there is such a sweet, comforting presence here in the home. I know this is the Holy Ghost offering us comfort at this time. I feel the presence of loved ones who have passed on to the other side who are concerned for my well-being. I feel peaceful and at rest. I'm not sure how much longer she can survive. But in God's own time he will take her home. The other day I asked her if she was ready to give up her worn-out body and go home to see her parents and her sister. I said, "Won't that be soooo exciting to see your Mom and Dad and Barbara?" She said, "Not really!" I'll tell you, she's a fighter. She's fought to live for almost 4 years. She's really fought a battle with her illness. She was first diagnosed with lung cancer and then the mass strangely disappeared. However, she does have chronic pulminary disease and it's been such a struggle for her.

My poor Dad. That's the hardest part. He wanders around the house, going from the TV room, to the jigsaw puzzle, to the crossword puzzle, back to check on Mom, then back to the cupboard for a snack. He just doesn't know what to do to help. He hates to see her suffer too. And I know that he's going to miss her so much. My sis in Montana wants to take him after Mom passes. He will love being with her. He's a Montana boy and she lives on a big ranch and he will love being there.

So, what next? Sorry I haven't gotten the cookbook done before Christmas. I'll work on it after the funeral. I've got a LOT of speaking engagements lined up for next year and I can't wait to see you. I've also gotten a wonderful job offer. In fact they want me so bad they have hired temps to fill in until the passing of Mom so I can begin work. I'll tell you more about the job as I know more as to what I will be doing. You're going to love the mission of the organization, I promise!

Here's wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year!

Love to you all!

Linda